The awareness of self. Whether it be through self reflection, a psycho analysis, or through pushing your body to the max, you learn something. Even if its that you never want to go back to that shrink, gym, or dark place in your mind again, you have stepped away knowing something more. There is nothing like acupuncture school to make you aware of your body, your mind, and your spirit, that I am learning. I should of suspected something big was about to happen in my life when one of my first classes in the program started off with my professor very solemly prouncing, “Now we will begin, and we will learn the theory of everything.” It had an Earth shaking effect on me. I realized within that lecture that the Tao or “The Way” connected everything together, that thinking of ourselves as separate from nature or the people around us was like thinking our hand was separate from our arm. Denying that our thoughts and emotions has any effect on our body was ridiculous. It continues to baffle me and at the same time urges me to step forward to learning more.
In our modern world many people find it an inconvenience or a wonderful happenstance that we can disconnect our life, our emotions from our body. We push it, abuse it, and then wonder why we become quicker to anger, quicker to stress. I know I didn’t realize how much stress I carried in my hips until I started really paying attention. Now that I know that, my body tells me something. I find I tell myself I’m relaxing and all I have to do is check in with my hips to find out I’m lying to myself and need to further let go of the day, or a conversation, or an expectation.
The journey through this life has reinforced this disconnection with my body. The events that happened in my body aren’t me but happen to me. If it was a negative event, like body image or pain, I would label it “unfair or unjust”, but please just don’t label it me. If it were pleasurable, like an orgasm or laugher, it was because someone else had caused them but it wasn’t a part of my body or self. I’m embracing those parts of me mentally, emotionally, and physically, making them me. I realized that this was necessary in becoming a Acupuncturist, I needed to provide the same care to myself as I would a patient. I needed to look deep within myself and find the disconnections so I could further help others. The beauty of it all is I become more and more comfortable in my body everyday. There is sometimes setbacks where the discomfort and disconnection is back but then my hips tell me to let go, relax, and soak in the comfort of my own skin.