Some people start their road to perception by suddenly realizing or seeing themselves in another being or object. They see that log being crashed over and over by the waves and realize that’s how they feel about their job or seeing a person getting yelled at and find themselves thinking about their relationship with their child. Seeing ourselves either in others or outside of ourselves can give us permission to see those deeper things that we may not of seen or even looked for on our own.
Mine….mine was an injured seagull and a googly eye dream,in fact one I just woke up from this morning. The injured seagull I will get to in another post don’t you worry.You see, for fun and well because its me, in this dream I was glueing those little plastic googly eyes to myself (if you’re not sure what I’m talking about go here). All over my legs while wearing a leotard, and since it was a dream I looked fabulous! I was wearing them around proudly and showing them to everyone. Every time I touched one I saw a memory, “good” or “bad” and it started to affect me. I started to hide some of them but then started to literally see through them into the events around me and see how they were changing what I was looking at. I would see my current boyfriend as loving, kind, supportive and amazing but when I looked at him through the memory of my ex-husband I saw manipulation and over control coming out of the support. Stopped looking through him with that googly eye and it went back to normal. I started playing with this in the dream and realized how much those perspectives were affecting my world. I woke up and started writing.
You see I was looking at each memory and seeing how it affected my daily life in the dream but I realized that this was happening more and more in my waking life. By being aware of how I felt about situations and people in the moment, I was examining my conscious perspective and then concluding that many more times my unconscious perspective was doing it as well. It got me thinking. Where in my life are these perceptions affecting the choices I take, the way I interact with people, and the way I perceive myself.
So I started to write in my journal, I started to write both the pleasant and uncomfortable memories. The situations that felt “good” or “bad” for no definitive reason and started to explore why. Each memory, event, or general perspective was a touchstone or googly eye, it allowed me to see or at least open up how that was affecting my perspective. Positive and negative. Example: My dad always made me feel safe and warm during the Minnesota winters, he always seemed to know what to do. His beard, his broad frame, and layers of warm clothes were visual confirmations of that unspoken preparedness and safety. Am I more likely to feel safe, warm, and assume that man knows he’s doing with a man displaying these properties? Probably, but I’m aware of this. I won’t just trust any man with a beard, broad frame, and layers of clothing (I’m sure there are plenty of axe murders that meet that description too). But I then ask myself, in the past would I of unfairly judged a slighter man without a beard and simply dressed because I wanted to feel “safe and warm”? Possibly.
This opens up a whole new world of how to interact with others, situations, but more importantly myself. As a nurse, future acupuncturist, and in general healer, I feel its important to examine how these perspectives frame my external world and my interactions with my patients and clients. Really examining the core of my being, to not only be able to connect with my patients and have compassion but to see where I maybe unfairly bringing a perspective to an experience, person, or even myself. Instead to just truly be with the patient, see what’s in front of me minus the google eyes.