Googly Eyes

Some people start their road to perception by suddenly realizing  or seeing themselves in another being or object. They see that log being crashed over and over by the waves and realize that’s how they feel about their job or seeing a person getting yelled at and find themselves thinking about their relationship with their child. Seeing ourselves either in others or outside of ourselves can give us permission to see those deeper things that we may not of seen or even looked for on our own.

Mine….mine was an injured seagull and a googly eye dream,in fact one I just woke up from this morning. The injured seagull I will get to in another post don’t you worry.You see, for fun and well because its me, in this dream I was glueing those little plastic googly eyes to myself (if you’re not sure what I’m talking about go here). All over my legs while wearing a leotard, and since it was a dream I looked fabulous!  I was wearing them around proudly and showing them to everyone. Every time I touched one I saw a memory, “good” or “bad” and it started to affect me. I started to hide some of them but then started to literally see through them into the events around me and see how they were changing what I was looking at. I would see my current boyfriend as loving, kind, supportive and amazing but when I looked at him through the memory of my ex-husband I saw manipulation and over control coming out of the support. Stopped looking through him with that googly eye and it went back to normal. I started playing with this in the dream and realized how much those perspectives were affecting my world. I woke up and started writing.

You see I was looking at each memory and seeing how it affected my daily life in the dream but I realized that this was happening more and more in my waking life. By being aware of how I felt about situations and people in the moment, I was examining my conscious perspective and then concluding that many more times my unconscious perspective was doing it as well. It got me thinking. Where in my life are these perceptions affecting the choices I take, the way I interact with people, and the way I perceive myself.

So I started to write in my journal, I started to write both the pleasant and uncomfortable memories. The situations that felt “good” or “bad” for no definitive reason and started to explore why. Each memory, event, or general perspective was a touchstone or googly eye, it allowed me to see or at least open up how that was affecting my perspective. Positive and negative. Example: My dad always made me feel safe and warm during the Minnesota winters, he always seemed to know what to do.  His beard, his broad frame, and layers of warm clothes were visual confirmations of that unspoken preparedness and safety. Am I more likely to feel safe, warm, and assume that man knows he’s doing with a man displaying these properties? Probably, but I’m aware of this. I won’t just trust any man with a beard, broad frame, and layers of clothing (I’m sure there are plenty of axe murders that meet that description too). But I then ask myself,  in the past would I of unfairly judged a slighter man without a beard and simply dressed because I wanted to feel “safe and warm”? Possibly.

This opens up a whole new world of how to interact with others, situations, but more importantly myself. As a nurse, future acupuncturist, and in general healer, I feel its important to examine how these perspectives frame my external world and my interactions with my patients and clients. Really examining the core of my being, to not only be able to connect with my patients and have compassion but to see where I maybe unfairly bringing a perspective to an experience, person, or even myself. Instead to just truly be with the patient, see what’s in front of me minus the google eyes.




Wisdom Wednesday: Stress


Midterms coming up and I pull the Stress card…noooo. Something is wrong with this blog, it won’t type sarcasm. This man is exactlyhow I felt at the beginning of the week, except I’m smiling my way through it. The monkey? My neck, its my proverbial “monkey on my back.”  He’s my sort of my ‘bad timing’ friend but also my wake up alarm call. Pay attention, you’re not paying attention!! Hey Hey pay attention?!?!

How many times have you or someone you know been completely overloaded, with too many projects, too many “balls in the air”, and suddenly come down with the flu, or taken a fall and ended up in crutches? Stress visits us all the time, we can use it as a powerful motivator or we create an idea in our head that nothing will happen without us, especially in the way we want. Perfectionists are particular vulnerable to this, I can attest to this being a recovering perfectionist myself. What the sun will rise whether or not I set my alarm?!?!

Clean the house, cook food, write a blog, connect with others, study, work, plan trip home…many of the times, multiples of these all at the same time. So then… I took a fall, I hurt my neck, and now taking part in self care, I’ve taken a step back. The house will get messy, the studies won’t be perfect, and I can’t keep up with everything. My body has told me “enough, pay attention around you and slow down!” Go for a walk, buy some flowers, cuddle with the dog…anything ‘unimportant’ will do just fine. Anything to get me out of that monkey’s reach!

Photo Credit: OSHO Zen

Wisdom Wednesday: No-thingness

Your mind chatters, my mind chatters. Where do you find that place to rest, where the chatter subsides? Even if it is just for a moment.

At times, being ‘in the gap’ between thoughts can be scary a little unnerving. I sometimes find myself with nothing to hold on to, no sense of direction or the possibilities that lie ahead. And thats the point when there in nothing to hang on to, no direction to say where you HAVE to go, or what choice you HAVE to make. In that moment of nothing everything is possible. Between the inhale and exhale is stillness, the transition into the next. At that moment of stillness anything is possible, out of nothing anything can come into being. It is potential, absolute potential.

Where does the lack of no-thingness cause despair or worry in your life? Where or how do you find the no-thingness in your life?


Credit: OSHO Zen

Meditation is my first answer, but even as I sat here tonight preparing to write the mind chattered away. It wasn’t the actual act of meditating that caused the silence or the will of the mind. It was finding the stillness in between the thoughts and breath, and sinking into those that the stillness became longer and longer.

Dancing I can find the no-thingness. The pause and stillness that define one movement from the next. The silence in between the the tones that create the rhythm and beats of the music.

This is were I find Shunyata, nothingness.

Wisdom Wednesday: Inner Voice

OK one of the tools I’ve been using is the OSHO Zen Deck. For those of you unfamiliar with what the concept of Zen is I’ll give you a brief watered down version at the end. I’ve found these card very helpful in my morning meditations and to become more present in my everyday life. I want to start pulling a weekly card and place it here, not only for me to reflect on but my readers as well. It may be nothing more than “oh thats a new way to look at it” or it might inspire you to look at yourself or your world differently.

So here’s the first card, Inner Voice, perfect considering my post yesterday was all about that “Finding my Voice”

Inner voice

“The Inner Voice speaks not in words but in the wordless language of the heart…There are times in our lives when too many voices seem to be pulling us this way and that. Our very confusion in such situations is a reminder to seek silence and centering within. Only then are we able to hear our truth.”

Where in your life is are too many voices or labels or opinions pulling you this way or that? In what ways do you find your voice and your truth?  Please feel free to comment below with your wisdom and reflections.

I find a lot of time I put too many labels on myself. A lot of them to do with my perceived body image, “Oh I’m too curvy to pull that off” or “no one wants to stare at this butt when I’m trying to rock climb” LOL little mischievous voices can be so vain! Where do I find my truth? On the cushion meditating, in the wood hiking, and something I need to make a priority with my time…dance. When I dance I feel connected, I feel me…so more dancing!

So Zen...

I am not a Zen Master or even aspire to be one but I do find the teachings a very simple and freeing way to think about and explore life.  I use the Osho Zen Tarot Deck not to predict the future or look into the past but as a reflection on life and my perceptions around it. So a very simple definition of Zen. Living fully and authentically in the present moment to make each instant of one’s life a peak experience. Zen can bring us face to face with our true original nature, undefiled by cultural conditioning and painful neurotic tendencies.